Sunday 22 March 2020

Locked up in luxury is still locked up

So the first week of quarantine has just passed and we've just been told that the original 15-day period is going to be extended by a further 15 days. Great. The first couple of days were the worst for me as it was a huge shock to my system.

I'm a creature of habit, in love with my routines and these were all taken away from me. "No problem" I thought. I consider myself pretty switched on upstairs (at times) and sincerely believed that I would find a logical solution to this situation and sail on through like I do with most things. Easily done... in theory. About the third day onwards the hours, days and dates started melding into each other and up until a few hours ago I hadn't realised that today was Sunday.

My already terrible sleeping pattern was thrown into further disarray so I found myself going to sleep around 5am which would normally mean me staggering into bed, exhausted except I wasn’t. As I wasn’t using up much energy during the day due to being stuck indoors, I went to sleep at 5am as calmly as if it was my usual bedtime of around midnight. Waking up times were also seemingly randomly generated and so far this week it has been between 8am and 11am.

The worst part I’ve been trying to deal with (unsuccessfully) is the sudden wave of apathy that has swept over me. I’ve put off answering text messages and not answered calls from most people which is very unlike me. I don’t know why but it feels as though I’ve given up deep down inside. Is it my way of expressing being fed up of the situation? Perhaps it’s a way for my subconscious to suppress the anger I have inside about this whole thing? I don’t know.

I try to convince myself that this is far from a ‘terrible’ quarantine all things considered but even though I am holed up in relative luxury I recall the saying that “everyone has their own demons and everyone deals with them in their own way” and can’t help but smile at how this rings true right now. I just hope that when this whole thing is eventually over I will remember how to carry on with my life as I did pre-quarantine.

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