Quarantine - day 44

Today’s mood is just as apathetic as the last few days so I thought I’d try and do a Monty Python and look on the bright side of life which to me means weighing up the pros and cons and so I started putting together a few points:

Pros:

    I can eat as much garlic as I like
    I don't have to change out of my pyjamas
    Burger King does home delivery

Cons:

    I can eat as much garlic as I like
    I don't have to change out of my pyjamas
    Burger King does home delivery

So yeah, I’m still at where I was before the list. I now need to decided whether I want to take the glass half-full or glass half-empty approach. This will most likely involve another list of pros and cons.

Still locked up... or am I?

Locked up has now become the new normal for me. While I don’t have a traditional routine as I would pre-quarantine, I do have a routine nonetheless. It feels very caveman-like, as I’m eating when I’m hungry and sleeping when I’m tired with a bit of work and self-development dotted in between.

Acceptance has been key. I don’t want to be locked in but right now, I have come to terms and can confidently say that I am at peace with not being able to. I’m not alone as everyone’s on the same metaphorical boat. I accept that I cannot change this situation (in the short term at least) so I have accepted it and you know what? It’s ok. My world hasn’t imploded, I haven’t gone crazy (yet) and I’m still able to have fun.

My previous blog entry ended with me wondering whether I’d remember how to carry on with my life pre-quarantine. I don’t think I want to now. I want to think of this time as another period of evolution of my life. It’s just another challenge on the road to tomorrow. Perhaps when my choice is restored I will choose to stay in and appreciate the things closer to home (literally) a little bit more. I kind of like it here.

Locked up in luxury is still locked up

So the first week of quarantine has just passed and we've just been told that the original 15-day period is going to be extended by a further 15 days. Great. The first couple of days were the worst for me as it was a huge shock to my system.

I'm a creature of habit, in love with my routines and these were all taken away from me. "No problem" I thought. I consider myself pretty switched on upstairs (at times) and sincerely believed that I would find a logical solution to this situation and sail on through like I do with most things. Easily done... in theory. About the third day onwards the hours, days and dates started melding into each other and up until a few hours ago I hadn't realised that today was Sunday.

My already terrible sleeping pattern was thrown into further disarray so I found myself going to sleep around 5am which would normally mean me staggering into bed, exhausted except I wasn’t. As I wasn’t using up much energy during the day due to being stuck indoors, I went to sleep at 5am as calmly as if it was my usual bedtime of around midnight. Waking up times were also seemingly randomly generated and so far this week it has been between 8am and 11am.

The worst part I’ve been trying to deal with (unsuccessfully) is the sudden wave of apathy that has swept over me. I’ve put off answering text messages and not answered calls from most people which is very unlike me. I don’t know why but it feels as though I’ve given up deep down inside. Is it my way of expressing being fed up of the situation? Perhaps it’s a way for my subconscious to suppress the anger I have inside about this whole thing? I don’t know.

I try to convince myself that this is far from a ‘terrible’ quarantine all things considered but even though I am holed up in relative luxury I recall the saying that “everyone has their own demons and everyone deals with them in their own way” and can’t help but smile at how this rings true right now. I just hope that when this whole thing is eventually over I will remember how to carry on with my life as I did pre-quarantine.